Hello?

Hello? Hello? (Taps microphone with finger) Is this thing on?

Hopefully you are all well. I imagine you are all busy right now, so I will do my best to entertain you.

We were going through Bradley's boxes of memorabilia from high school, grade school, etc. Among other things, his mother kept his immunization records (so now I know where Gideon gets his heft from; Bradley was 22 lbs at 10 months) and a sweet little clipping of hair from his first haircut. What can we learn from this? Two--no, three--things:

• a. Bradley's hair was about the same color as Ezra's is now
• 2) Bradley was a very bald baby, because his first haircut was at 19 months
• iii. Bradley will now stop mocking me for saving my children's hair

At any rate, we also found a paper he had kept from high school that had common sayings rendered in very complicated language. You have to decipher the words to figure out the saying. For example:

"The stylus is more potent than the claymore"

equals

"The pen is mightier than the sword"

Simple, right?

Try these:

1. Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minific
2. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate
3. Surveillance should precede saltation
4. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity
5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactated fluid

Put your answers in the comments. (That is, if anyone is still reading!)